Flightless Bird

So lately, I've been finally writing again, which is awesome, cause I"ve had some serious writers block for a while now. Anyway, a few friends from work thought it would be pretty funny to make a movie about this girl who we call "bird" where shes's actually a bird, and she kicks some serious booty. This little tid bit here is one of my favorite parts, where her true birdness is discovered...


She walks over to the gas station. Jennifer runs after her.

JENNIFER
Come on. You can't tell me you didn't enjoy yourself.

AMANDA
I'm embarrassed cause now he probably freggin' KNOWS!

JENNIFER
So what? Isn't that a good thing?

AMANDA
NO, JEN! No, it's not.

JENNIFER
Come on, Bird. You had fun. Don't deny it.

AMANDA
I don't know how to be around him now.

JENNIFER
Well, don't be different.

Crriiip!

JENNIFER
Whoa! Bird. No need to let one rip.

AMANDA
SHIT! I have to go, now.

JENNIFER
Dude. What's wrong?

AMANDA
NOTHING, JEN!

JENNIFER
BIRD! So, what if he knows! Maybe I told him. OH WELL!

CRRRRRRIIIIIIP! Bird wings pop out of Birds back.

JENNIFER
What the f*ck?!

AMANDA
It's not what you think.

JENNIFER
Oh really? It's not what I think? Really! Wings didn't just grow out your back?! You're an actual BIRD!

AMANDA
JENNIFER, PLEASE DON'T TELL ANYONE! You weren't the first person to call me "Bird". I was made fun of for this my whole life! It sucks, okay? IT SUCKS KING KONG'S BALLS!

JENNIFER
It's not so bad.

AMANDA
I HAVE F*CKING WIIIINGS!

JENNIFER
So? Wings are cool! You can fly right? Man, that's so cool.

AMANDA
Yes.

JENNIFER
Dude, it's freggin awesome!!! At least you're not like an elf, ya know.

AMANDA
What the hell does being a midget have to do with anything?

JENNIFER
Cause elves are freggin gross. Their nasty little chain of command.

AMANDA
Jen. I really have no idea what you're talking about.

JENNIFER
Dude. You know. It goes deer, elf, bull and steed.

After a long pause.

AMANDA
No, dipshit, you're thinking of elk.

JENNIFER
What? No. Elf. The things with the antlers.

AMANDA
Riiight. Elk!

JENNIFER
(after a beat)
Then, what the hell's an elf?

AMANDA
Like the Keebler elf. Little people that live in trees.

JENNIFER
You don't like, live in a nest... do you?

Amanda glares at Jennifer.

JENNIFER (CONT'D)
Cause birds live in nests. But I guess houses also. Bird houses and what not. Do you CAW? OMG can you talk to other little birdies in your own language??

Amanda looks at Jen like she's about to rip her head off.

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

JENNIFER (CONT'D)
Oh man, warm out. Nice night. Brisk and a little breezy. But nice. I like it.

Amanda continues the intense glare ignoring the sound of the wind whipping at her face.

JENNIFER (CONT'D)
Right, well...what?

Jen makes a ringing sound. She reaches for her phone.

JENNIFER (CONT'D)
(into phone)
Oh, HEYYYYY youu. Yea, I'm on my way. Right. BYYEEE.
(to Bird)
OK, well Bird, it's been real. Um...peace out.

Bird grabs Jen's arm. Jen, in self defense, falls to the ground.

JENNIFER
OH MY GOD, PLEASE DON'T PECK ME TO DEATH LIKE YOUR FRIENDS DID IN THAT MOVIE! I'M SORRY! I'M SO SORRY! JUST PLEASE DON'T EAT ME!

AMANDA
Jesus, Jennifer. Shut the hell up! You're making a scene!

Jen glances over, seeing the few people pumping gas, staring, mouth agape.

AMANDA (cont'd)
I'm not going to eat you. Or peck you to death. My names McBeak remember? Not McPeck.

JENNIFER
Right. I was just... there was a chipmunk who... uh.

Amanda grabs Jen by the shoulders and shakes her.

AMANDA
JEN! Focus! Please... please Jen. If you like me at all, even a little, PLEASE don't tell anyone about my wings. PLEASE! I beg of you.

JENNIFER
Personally, I think they're pretty cool. Flying everywhere, flapping around. Do you get them clipped?

Jen reaches down and lifts Amanda's pant leg.

AMANDA
Seriously. What the f*ck?

JENNIFER
Just seeing if you had one of those little de-flyer things. Ya don't. Good to know.

AMANDA
Jen...

JENNIFER
Don't worry... I wont tell anyone... I promise.

AMANDA
Thank you.

JENNIFER
Except for maybe Kam.

AMANDA
JEN!

JENNIFER
OH, COME ON! Let me tell one person! Please!

AMANDA
UGH. Fine. JUST HER!

JENNIFER
THANKS BIRDIE!

Jen gives Bird a big hug, then gallops off to her car.

AMANDA
I'm trusting a girl that gallops...